Enterprise Ballistic Logistics · Since 2019
Yeeterprise is the trusted platform for throwing things on the ground — managed trajectories, audited impact, and compliance-first velocity. So your organization can yeet with total confidence, and full documentation.
SOC 2 Type II · ISO 9001 · Trajectory-certified · No object left un-thrown
Deployed across the world's most throwing-forward organizations
The Platform
From a single throw to organization-wide ballistic transformation, Yeeterprise operationalizes what your team was already doing in the parking lot — now with governance.
Model, schedule, and audit every throw. Arc previews, apex forecasting, and impact attestations, all in one pane of glass.
Our certified operators handle the throwing so your people don't have to. Fully outsourced downward force, invoiced monthly.
Policy engine that stops the wrong things from being thrown. Rules, approvals, and a full chain of custody for the un-yeetable.
Video collaboration rebuilt on downward force. Throw to speak, screen yeet, and hosts can yeet participants — everyone except the VIPs protected by the Do-Not-Yeet registry. And every call ends on time, because we drop it.
The philosophy
Because the object is going to reach the ground eventually. The only real question is whether it does so modeled, attested, and on purpose — or by accident, in a parking lot, unregretted only by luck. Yeeterprise exists to make downward force a discipline instead of a mood.
Yeeterprise takes restraint as seriously as release. These asset classes are protected by policy, monitored in real time, and escalated on the faintest hint of an incoming throw. Compiled from four years of incident reports we do not discuss.
Reclassified as load-bearing after the Q2 dinner-party incident. Handle at ground level only.
ProtectedNon-consenting payload. Will achieve ground contact on its own terms, then bill you for it.
ProtectedExceeds our emotional-tonnage limit by several orders of magnitude. Requires four signatures to relocate, zero to grieve.
ProtectedContested asset. Currently in Kitchen Arbitration. Do not yeet pending settlement.
EscalatedLegally binding right up until the moment it is airborne, at which point it becomes Legal's problem.
ProtectedLift with the legs. This is not a suggestion, a guideline, or a matter for the Q4 offsite. It is policy.
ProtectedStructural integrity: aspirational. Historically our highest-regret category. See incident YEET-0442.
ProtectedAbsolutely not. Why is this on the registry. Who submitted this. Escalate to everyone. Convene the board.
EscalatedReturns. Defeats the entire value proposition and undermines the ground-contact SLA. Under active review.
Under reviewAlready thrown out in the reorg. No further action required. Ground contact confirmed retroactively.
ArchivedProhibited near any body of water larger than a decorative puddle. Insurance will ask. Insurance always asks.
ProtectedProperty-of-Karen exception invoked. Return to third floor. Do not yeet Karen's things. We've discussed this.
ProtectedA sample of 54 enforced classes · Amendments filed quarterly, thrown never.
Customer voices
We were throwing things in the parking lot for years. Now we throw them with a certificate.
Trajectory Cloud blocked us from yeeting a cat we did not know was in the box. I have no notes.
Our regret is finally auditable. It is zero, and now we can prove it to the board.
Recognized a Leader in the Gartblorg Magic Trapezoid™ for Enterprise Ballistic Logistics, three years running.
The Downward Dispatch
Our twice-weekly record of what the world threw — assessed against the only standard that matters: was it modeled, was it attested, and was it, in the end, regretted. New editions Mondays and Thursdays.
Request a Demo
Talk to a Trajectory Specialist about a pilot. We'll assess your current throwing posture and build a compliant path to ground.
Yeeterprise™