https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch.html Yeeterprise's satirical newsroom on yeeting in the news — the discipline of governed downward force. en-us Wed, 12 Nov 2014 14:00:00 GMT https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/philae-and-the-comet-landing-that-bounced-twice.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/philae-and-the-comet-landing-that-bounced-twice.html Wed, 12 Nov 2014 14:00:00 GMT Yeet Desk A lander achieved the first soft touchdown on a comet, then declined to stay put on the first two attempts. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-chelyabinsk-airburst-and-the-unbilled-delivery.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-chelyabinsk-airburst-and-the-unbilled-delivery.html Fri, 15 Feb 2013 14:00:00 GMT World Desk A twenty-meter payload arrived over Russia without a flight plan, without a landing certificate, and without asking. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/baumgartner-stratosphere-jump.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/baumgartner-stratosphere-jump.html Sun, 14 Oct 2012 14:00:00 GMT Yeet Desk Thirty-nine kilometers of accumulated altitude, spent all at once, faster than sound and slower than regret. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/curiosity-and-the-sky-crane-that-lowered-a-rover-on-cables.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/curiosity-and-the-sky-crane-that-lowered-a-rover-on-cables.html Mon, 06 Aug 2012 14:00:00 GMT Yeet Desk A one-ton rover was delivered to Mars by a hovering platform, entirely on its own recognizance, because no one on Earth could intervene in time. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-baghdad-footwear-incident.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-baghdad-footwear-incident.html Sun, 14 Dec 2008 14:00:00 GMT Yeet Desk A press conference became, briefly, a live trajectory demonstration with a moving target. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-nasdaq-peak-of-march-2000.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-nasdaq-peak-of-march-2000.html Fri, 10 Mar 2000 14:00:00 GMT Markets Desk The index touched its highest recorded point and then spent two years demonstrating what the desk means by apex overshoot. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-fall-of-the-berlin-wall.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-fall-of-the-berlin-wall.html Thu, 09 Nov 1989 14:00:00 GMT World Desk For once the ground contact was the point, and the concrete came down by popular request. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/skylab-and-the-shire-that-invoiced-nasa-for-littering.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/skylab-and-the-shire-that-invoiced-nasa-for-littering.html Wed, 11 Jul 1979 14:00:00 GMT World Desk A seventy-ton station made an uncontrolled arrival across Western Australia and received, in reply, a citation. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/first-modern-bungee-jumps-clifton-bridge.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/first-modern-bungee-jumps-clifton-bridge.html Sun, 01 Apr 1979 14:00:00 GMT Field Notes A descent designed to stop just short of the ground, which is either the whole point or a violation, depending on the desk. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/comaneci-and-the-scoreboard-that-ran-out-of-digits.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/comaneci-and-the-scoreboard-that-ran-out-of-digits.html Sun, 18 Jul 1976 14:00:00 GMT Ground Truth The apparatus achieved flawless ground contact and the instrumentation, unprepared, displayed the wrong number. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-eagle-and-the-first-certified-lunar-touchdown.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-eagle-and-the-first-certified-lunar-touchdown.html Sun, 20 Jul 1969 14:00:00 GMT Yeet Desk A crewed payload executed a governed descent onto another world and, remarkably, filed the paperwork by walking on it. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/evel-knievel-caesars-palace-jump.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/evel-knievel-caesars-palace-jump.html Sun, 31 Dec 1967 14:00:00 GMT Yeet Desk A payload that cleared everything it aimed at and was undone entirely by the part that comes after. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/thomson-and-the-pennant-that-would-not-stay-in-the-park.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/thomson-and-the-pennant-that-would-not-stay-in-the-park.html Wed, 03 Oct 1951 14:00:00 GMT Yeet Desk A single swing resolved a season and overran every containment boundary the ballpark had to offer. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/berlin-airlift-candy-bomber.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/berlin-airlift-candy-bomber.html Wed, 01 Sep 1948 14:00:00 GMT World Desk Small canopies, small cargo, and a descent that our desk declined, for once, to complicate. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/first-live-ejection-seat-test.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/first-live-ejection-seat-test.html Wed, 24 Jul 1946 14:00:00 GMT Ground Truth A person thrown clear of danger on purpose is, by our reading, the only truly virtuous yeet. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/la-tomatina-the-first-tomato-fight.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/la-tomatina-the-first-tomato-fight.html Wed, 29 Aug 1945 14:00:00 GMT Field Notes Thousands of low-mass payloads, no designated target, and a tradition born from a single unbilled skirmish. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-first-olympic-torch-relay.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-first-olympic-torch-relay.html Mon, 20 Jul 1936 14:00:00 GMT World Desk The rare payload designed never to touch the ground, passed hand to hand across a continent by schedule. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/ruth-files-a-forecast-before-the-throw.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/ruth-files-a-forecast-before-the-throw.html Sat, 01 Oct 1932 14:00:00 GMT Yeet Desk A batter appeared to file his apex prediction before the release, which the desk considers either genius or provocation. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/black-tuesday-1929-the-market-meets-the-floor.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/black-tuesday-1929-the-market-meets-the-floor.html Tue, 29 Oct 1929 14:00:00 GMT Markets Desk An entire market was released toward the ground at once, and no ticket was filed for any of it. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/west-point-and-the-synchronized-abandonment-of-headwear.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/west-point-and-the-synchronized-abandonment-of-headwear.html Tue, 11 Jun 1912 14:00:00 GMT Field Notes A coordinated mass throw whose defining feature is that no one intends to get the object back. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/taft-opens-the-season-with-a-governed-underhand.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/taft-opens-the-season-with-a-governed-underhand.html Thu, 14 Apr 1910 14:00:00 GMT Field Notes A head of state discovers that the simplest way to throw something is to have someone else catch it. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-tunguska-airburst-over-an-empty-forest.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-tunguska-airburst-over-an-empty-forest.html Tue, 30 Jun 1908 14:00:00 GMT Ground Truth A payload flattened eighty million trees across two thousand square kilometers and, by the grace of remoteness, harmed no one on record. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-first-times-square-ball-drop.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-first-times-square-ball-drop.html Tue, 31 Dec 1907 14:00:00 GMT Field Notes At last, a drop with a timetable, a fixed track, and a crowd that showed up specifically to watch it land. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/wright-brothers-first-powered-flight.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/wright-brothers-first-powered-flight.html Thu, 17 Dec 1903 14:00:00 GMT Ground Truth The first machine to leave the ground on purpose also agreed, in writing, to return to it. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/annie-edson-taylor-niagara-barrel.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/annie-edson-taylor-niagara-barrel.html Thu, 24 Oct 1901 14:00:00 GMT Field Notes A payload of one, self-loaded into a container, over the least negotiable descent on the continent. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-stanley-cup-and-the-overhead-hoist.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-stanley-cup-and-the-overhead-hoist.html Mon, 01 May 1893 14:00:00 GMT Field Notes A trophy engineered to be raised has spent a century demonstrating what happens when it is subsequently lowered without a plan. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-first-ticker-tape-parade-1886.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-first-ticker-tape-parade-1886.html Thu, 28 Oct 1886 14:00:00 GMT Field Notes During the Statue of Liberty's dedication, clerks discovered that joy could be expressed by throwing the nearest available payload out a window. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/coopers-hill-and-the-uncatchable-projectile.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/coopers-hill-and-the-uncatchable-projectile.html Mon, 29 May 1826 14:00:00 GMT Field Notes A wheel of dairy achieves terminal velocity down a hillside while its pursuers achieve only injuries. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-caber-toss-and-the-tyranny-of-direction.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-caber-toss-and-the-tyranny-of-direction.html Fri, 01 Sep 1820 14:00:00 GMT Field Notes A discipline in which throwing a tree very far earns nothing and throwing it very straight earns everything. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/garnerin-first-parachute-jump.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/garnerin-first-parachute-jump.html Sun, 22 Oct 1797 14:00:00 GMT Field Notes A frameless canopy and a great deal of oscillation, all in the service of not hitting the ground. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/montgolfier-brothers-first-crewed-balloon-flight.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/montgolfier-brothers-first-crewed-balloon-flight.html Fri, 21 Nov 1783 14:00:00 GMT Field Notes A payload that insisted on going up first is, by our ledger, a yeet filed out of order. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-toppling-of-king-george-iii-in-new-york.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-toppling-of-king-george-iii-in-new-york.html Tue, 09 Jul 1776 14:00:00 GMT World Desk A monument came down, and its raw material was rerouted from the pedestal to the musket. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-harbor-yeet-of-1773.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-harbor-yeet-of-1773.html Thu, 16 Dec 1773 14:00:00 GMT World Desk Three hundred forty-two chests reached the ground, or in this case the seafloor, with no certificate on file. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/newtons-principia-and-the-rulebook-for-every-throw.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/newtons-principia-and-the-rulebook-for-every-throw.html Sat, 05 Jul 1687 14:00:00 GMT Ground Truth One volume set out the terms and conditions that every falling object has been silently agreeing to ever since. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-apple-that-filed-a-jurisdiction-report.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-apple-that-filed-a-jurisdiction-report.html Sun, 01 Aug 1666 14:00:00 GMT Ground Truth A single unremarkable drop in an orchard led one observer to conclude the ground's authority extended to the Moon. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-defenestration-of-prague.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-defenestration-of-prague.html Wed, 23 May 1618 14:00:00 GMT World Desk Three men left by the window, all three landed, and Europe spent the next thirty years on the incident report. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-gunpowder-plot-foiled.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-gunpowder-plot-foiled.html Sat, 05 Nov 1605 14:00:00 GMT World Desk A great deal of stored energy, a cellar full of barrels, and, mercifully, no apex at all. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/san-fermin-and-the-crowd-that-throws-itself.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/san-fermin-and-the-crowd-that-throws-itself.html Sun, 07 Jul 1591 14:00:00 GMT Field Notes A formalized event where the participants supply their own governing hazard and frequently meet the ground. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/galileos-controlled-drop-from-the-tower-of-pisa.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/galileos-controlled-drop-from-the-tower-of-pisa.html Sun, 01 Jan 1589 14:00:00 GMT Ground Truth Two payloads, one ground-contact certificate, and a customer named Aristotle who insisted on a differentiated SLA. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/throwing-down-the-gauntlet-a-formal-challenge.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/throwing-down-the-gauntlet-a-formal-challenge.html Fri, 01 Jan 1300 14:00:00 GMT Field Notes Medieval Europe discovered that a glove dropped to the ground could bind two parties more firmly than any signature. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-trebuchet-first-governed-throwing-machine.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-trebuchet-first-governed-throwing-machine.html Sat, 01 Jan 1200 14:00:00 GMT Field Notes A medieval siege engine anticipated the entire compliance framework by converting a certified counterweight into a predictable arc. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-pisa-tower-and-the-uncertified-ground.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-pisa-tower-and-the-uncertified-ground.html Sun, 01 Jan 1178 14:00:00 GMT Ground Truth A tower attempted the slowest documented descent in the record, and the ground answered before the masons did. https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-ancient-pentathlon-and-the-first-certified-throws.html https://www.yeeterprise.com/dispatch/the-ancient-pentathlon-and-the-first-certified-throws.html Thu, 01 Jul 0776 14:00:00 GMT Yeet Desk The founding events of formalized throwing, one of which posed for a statue and never stopped.